my deepest regret
just this afternoon, God told me something. something that can makes me realize that i'm nothing. that i'm nothing without you guys and God. i'm just a little spot that will give no change if i'm dissappeared.
i realize that i've been too confident. i'm too arogant. too happy for everything that i've got. i make everything too easy to play. those appreciation had make me lost. i can even see myself. i don't know what i'm doing. i'm doing nothing and think that everything will go like what i want because i'm the great one. i'm the best one. and now i know i'm wrong. this is the biggest mistake i've ever done in my live. i'm not the great one. i'm not the best one. even when someone still say that i'm greater than them, i feel worse. because the fact they are better than me.i've lost.
and now after God give some clues, theres something i have to do
1. apologize. i'm really really sorry. i know i've been such an asshole. i'm really sorry. you guys are unlucky to see me doing my mistake. why don't you tell me? i beg your pardon. this is for all of my friends who have ever talk to me. i'm really sorry.
2. make it better. i know all i've been done in my live is not make anything get better. i can't do that. i'm nothing and i want to change that.
3. grateful. for God, who have been make me wake. for my teacher who have been teach me and sometimes i ignore you, but you still want to teach me patiently. for my friends, who have been support me when i'm fall
now, i see clearly what i've done and what its effect to me. i was fall. i was blind, but now i see. now i'm just so hard to forgive myself. to forgive everything that i've done and make my live screw up. could you tell me how to forgive yourself? it's harder than i thought.i just want to cry and scream over and over again. this is painful. this pain are driving me crazy. it's torchering me. i just need your support. i'm such a stupid girl. i'm such an asshole.

i'm really sorry.